Saturday, January 23, 2010

Other people trying to find a reason

So today while I was at the chiropractors he had me slide my jeans down a little, and Ethan's little footprints were exposed.

He said well that's a neat tattoo what is it about?  I told him we had lost our son and they were his footprints.  He went on to ask about how old he was and other stuff.

I turned to this sweet older man who seemed genuinly interested, and told him we lost Ethan at 34 weeks into our pregnancy.

He patted my shoulder and turned to me and bluntly said and I quote, "well sometimes those things are for the best, there must have been something wrong with him."

I wanted to start bawling, but soon just blurted out, " No he was very healthy, it was a freak cord accident where the blood and oxygen supply get cut off for a brief time and it kills them".

I think he was in shock but I think I was more in shock.  I mean where did society become a blunt place?

Why can't people just keep it simple and say I'm sorry or something simple.  I know they feel the need to say something, but usually it almost always ends up hurting more.

I hate hearing things like, "God needed an Angel", "there must have been something wrong with him", " It had to have been for the best", "At least it was now instead of when you got to know him".

I mean keep your opinions to yourself, at the time I could care less if God needed another Angel, I wanted my son.

Even if there was something wrong with my son, do you think that would make me love him less?

And how do you even know what the pain would feel like now or later, don't try to minumize my pain.  He was my son and I would love him regardless.  Would you kill your dog or another child because there was something wrong with them?  More than likely no.

I guess it's one of those things we are bound to run into, and somehow use it as a teaching experience.

Had I not been caught off guard I would have loved to tell him.  That no Ethan was very healthy I just happened to be the 1 in 200 pregnancies that had a stillbirth and that more often that not, there is no explanation.


  1. I know it is so hard to hear some of the things people say. I have been caught off guard many times. The only people who truly understand are those who experience the same heartache we do. xx

  2. People really want to believe there is a reason for everything....otherwise, it doesn't make "sense" to how they see the universe. They want to justify everything even if it's through the random idea of get what you deserve. Bull-s@!&$ oh's really upsetting when we realize how totally RANDOM and crappy things are. I know it certainly blew my socks off to loose Simon and Alexander. It made NO sense to me...and I hated everyone that tried to make sense of it. No "answer" could ever bring them back...and to me...that was the only acceptable vision.

    So sorry....people don't know what to say...people want to do something...say something to make it better....but, they just can't. not really.


  3. I have run into these comments more thimes than I think I should of had to endure. More awareness is much needed.

    I would love to use Ethan's footprints on Every Life Has A Story. You can email them to me @ Thank you!


  4. He kinda make it sound like if there was something wrong with him that it would be easier. Doesn't really work that way.