Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Grieving and society

I have to say I have been blindsided several times over the past 3.5 years by peoples ingorance and hurtful comments regarding loss. Ones such as "get over it", " it's been x amount of years, let go", "OMG you took pictures of your dead baby, how disgusting".

Comments that have made me want to hurt someone, sit alone in a closet the rest of my life just so I didn't have to deal with the rest of the world.

I had a friend delete me off fb because they said they couldn't handle my educating people on what to look for in pregnancys and that hurt too.

But today I think I about feel out of my chair when I read comments to another grieving mom. She had posted about her duedate coming up and how close she would have been to full term etc. And some not so nice person, kept telling her over and over to let go.

To move and and quite grieving.

I was totally in shock that another human being claiming to be someones friend would write that to her in front of hundreds of baby loss parents (which by the way were about to jump through his screen and hurt him). And keep going with it.

He has no idea of what this loss feels like. And then I hear my great friend/teacher telling me in my head. Have grace. UGH do I realyl have to be the big person here? Ok no I don't but I should. I wanted to call him all kinds of not nice names and go off.

And sadly this wasn't done to me. But when you lost a child and one of your now sisters in life(another mom who lost a child) is being hurt and the words cut so deep..... You will do just about anything to protect them and the memory of so many families.

You do NOT every quite grieving. Just as if a parent was to die you can't replace them with another one neither can you with the life of a child. You don't move on with life and not rememeber.

I have wondered many times where my friends were when I needed them? Why didn't they call and check on me? And it hurts sometimes still. But when you lose a child you learn who your true friends are.

I wish society would buck up and get over how sensitive the topic of the death of a child can be and learn how to support us as a whole, just as we do with cancer and everything else. It hurts it hasn't happened yet but I sure hope in my lifetime it does. I refuse to sit in a closet and grieve the life of my son and the life he should of had.

Grieving does NOT equal crazy. Grieving does not equal stagnating. Grieving does NOT have a timeline or an expiration date. Anyone who CANNOT accept that, and for that matter, anyone who cannot accept ME... fine. Don't. But do not claim to be my friend.- By my wonderful friend Annette Benavides

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