Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Loving you

Today I was reading a blog from another Angel mom and it was all about the way our lives are altered now and our lives parenting an Angel Baby/Child.

All the inadequate feelings that we have in loving our Angel's.

The difference's we have with our earthly children and the one/one's who fly above us.

I have to admit I feel all of those feelings as well, and more often than I wish I had to.

See I can love Ethan with all I am and carry him within all I do on a daily basis. Working with NILMDTS I get to love and honor him in that way, when I talk about him, or a rare instance comes up and someone asks to see a picture (now I can't say that one has happened in a very long time). I can love him with every possible fiber in my body and say it over and over in my head and praying he hears me and feels the love I carry for him. I can carry all those memory's with me that I do have with me, but eventually those will fade little by little. I can tend his grave and keep little things out there, but usually that comes with the heartache knowing he really isn't there.

But I can't kiss a broken heart of his someday, I can't kiss a scrapped knee and know that for a moment he will feel mommy's kiss made it all better. I can't squeeze and hug him. I can't soothe his cries with a single song, I cant hold him and wonder what I can do to make things better.

All those physical things as human beings that we desire to show to other's especially our children. We don't have that. They always say actions speak lower than words. And boy this is one thing beyond our control we just can't do.


  1. Angela--I found your blog from commenting on mine. I am so sorry for your loss. It tears me up to read about these. Your boys are precious.

  2. I wish we could do those little things.

  3. I really wish that Jayden could of just gotten to get his xmas presents..He was so excited about "Anta Uase" I can still hear it...It makes me cry. But then I think, would that have been enough for me? No. He was going to be someone amazing, and I would have never been okay with letting him go..but to have his arms wrapped around my neck one more time; hell, I woulda drown with him if I coulda have him forever <3