Monday, November 23, 2009

19 Months

Its been 19 months....

*of missing you
*of tears
*of heartache
*sleepless nights
*of agony
*of crazy dreams
*of begging
*of wonder
*of sadness
*tested faith
*renewed faith
*pretending to the rest of the world I was ok
*accepting it was ok to say I'm not ok
*learning how to live without you
*learning how to find my new normal
*accepting my new normal
*5 months of feeling completed by the gifts you have brought into my life
*5 months of satisfaction knowing I'm honoring your life
*of saying your name over and over
*praying the rest of the world doesn't forget to say your name
*trying to find ways to keep your memory alive in my heart and others

It has been 19 months of the worst heartache and joy all at once. I've learned more about myself in these past 19 months than I have in the past 28 years. Without you Ethan I wouldn't be complete.


  1. Angela, I understand this greif completely. It is coming up on the one year angelversry of my son, Jayden; and I will be posting a post almost exactly like this. I understand what you are going through, and I am here if you ever need anything.

    I am so sorry you have to learn this lesson; and I know not a single word in the world helps you heal.

  2. You can sure change a lot in just a little bit of time.

  3. I know exactly what you mean. They make us who we are. They teach/taught us things. There is purpose...everywhere, even through sadness. Missing Ethan with you.

  4. Sending angel kisses and prayers your way!

    Mommy of an angel