Living my life sentence

Life has surely been turned upside down and inside out. And I'm sure people just don't understand why I act the way I do sometimes and it may not be to their standards.

But when you lose a child you lose so much more than just a life. Ive stated this many times. You lose dreams, expectations of life to come, life as you once new it. You briefly lose yourself and transform into a much different person. That doesn't however mean that you lose the old you.

But you do become more aware of the possibility of death, and the unknown road to follow after. You become more aware of today being the only promise.

Life is a bit unpredictable after losing a child. All the things you once had comfort in are so much different now.

We are living a life sentence without our children.

So life will never be the same.

Holidays are approaching so fast and most of us would much rather crawl into our beds and wish the holidays away and want to move on to the next year hoping to gain a little bit of joy, peace, contentment.

We do all have a choice but the fact that your reading this says something about you and who you are. You could have crawled in bed and never came back out. Or wanted to die but chose to live. Its harder than anything we ever imagined. Its not right or fair and its sick how often this happens. But you have made a choice to live on in your childs legacy.

But I know from the proof my life has had to offer that our life sentense doesnt have to be filled with horror, pain, despair.

Find something anything that will make your little one's life shine.

This year as each year that was before. We do for another family who is less fortunate that ourselves and this year we picked a name off of a tree. We decided it would be a boy Ethan's age and to our surprise we found a little boy who is 19 months named Ethan. So we will be doing for that little Ethan in our Ethan's honor.

"You can clutch the past so tightly against your chest, that it leaves your arms to full too embrace the present"

"Each day is a new canvas to paint upon, Make sure your picture is full of life and happiness, and at the end of the day you don't look at it and wish you painted something different"