Our time is coming to a close and I guess I never imagined finding someone who would get me or at least try to understand me.
Granted I know you’re a counselor and that's your job, but you always went above and beyond.
I remember the first time walking into your office I thought for sure, "this lady will never understand me and I will be the crazy lady who lost a baby". But it’s not at all what happened. Instead you read a brief background about my loss and you’re cried with me.
I admit I was apprehensive at first because I had been hurt more times by others and I thought for sure the things you were saying or your tears were a show to suck me in so to speak.
But instead found out over time that it was your true heart and you were one of a kind.
You helped me get out of the horrible path I was facing more than once you reassured me several times that you didn't just say things because you had to that you indeed did care.
That you were touched by me as a person. That comment itself was probably one of the most treasured things I will carry with me. I hope someday to be as great of a person as you are. That I can be as authentic and genuine even in fear of being hurt.
I keep the relaxation cd with me in times of need, I read your letter when I feel desperate and need some cheering up.
I often find myself laughing at things you did to try to cheer me up or make me quit being so stubborn. And I also find myself in tears knowing that I yet have to experience another type of loss.
When I walked into your office a year and a half ago I didn't think it would be a long term thing at all, I never guessed I would form a relationship that would be worthwhile. I always thought I was inferior only to realize I am right there with you. I always frowned at the thought of a counselor and yet weekly, sometimes more than once a week to every other week I looked forward to seeing you.
You always kept right behind me even when I thought that I would be left behind in the process. There was always a hand held out even if it wasn’t visible.
I am going to miss chatting and spilling my weekly, bi-weekly crap to you. I am going to miss you in general and hope that I learn how to cope with this loss as well as I have learned to cope with Ethan being gone. It’s not a matter of can I? As much as it is I don't want to.
I know nothing good in life is easy but I wish this was easier. I wish I didn't have to say goodbye. And I still picture myself like a stubborn toddler stomping their feet, because it isn't fair and I don't want to say goodbye again.
To you I owe heart and I promise to make you proud.
Always and Forever,