wonders

Its fourth of July and nothing can keep my mind away from missing Ethan today. Its hard to know I dont get to see his cute little face and the dimple in his chin as he watches fireworks tonight. He would be so amazed this year.

A walking and talking 1.5 yr old. We are quickly approaching the 18 month mark and its going to be a hard one and Im bracing for it the best I know how.

18 monts is such a fun age for me. To watch their faces light up as they figure things out or learn a new word. Ethan wouldnt just be walking he would mbe running. Oh god what I wouldnt give to chase him around.

I miss him so so much and I havent just sat in a very long time and cried and longed for him, but I feel it coming on and strong.

I know lifes not fair and I wont complain on how unfair it really is. But I hope with everything inside me today that Ethan knows just how much I love and miss him. I hope he is sitting on someone specials lap tonight maybe my papa's and watching the fireworks. How amazing from Heaven it must be. Ill admit Im a bit jealous I cant hold him.

Ethan mommy misses you and loves you so very much. I wouldnt be able to write a book or a series to tell you how much. I hope your with us in spirit tonight as we celebrate the freedom of being an American.