Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Merry Christmas Ethan

My little man,

This is your second Christmas in Heaven and yes my arms still long for you.  At first I was struggling as Im sure you were able to see.
I would have much rather climbed in bed and wished the holiday's away and prayed for a better 2010.  But realistically it's not an option.  I know you would want me to be happy and I know your brother's deserve to have one of the best Christmas's ever.
I wonder what you would look like, what your thinking and Im sad Im missing the amazing expression's on your face.
Your stocking is hung right next to ours as it should be, right after Aiden and before Corbin.  Just as our family was ment to be.
But this year we got a great idea from another Angel family to have friends and family fill your stocking with letter's to you.  I cant wait to sit and read them Christmas morning.
I often sit and wonder what you are doing up there.  Are you chasing butterflies, playing ball with your friends, sitting and coloring?  Im sure your doing all of this because your big brothers were just the same and you are part of us.
I even have imagined you sitting on a cloud and looking at the pictures in a book.  I bet you're our little genius.  I cant seem to think of you any other way.
This year I will sit and watch your cousin and picture you.  I love watching him and thinking you would be doing much of the same things, 
Ethan two years ago at this time I was getting anxious and so unprepared for the possibilty of saying goodbye in a little over a month.
We shopped for you for Christmas even though we knew you wouldn't be here just yet.  Your anut Kandra were getting so excited to be able to sit and watch you and her little one coming around the same time.  We were anxious to have eachother during this time.
Little did I know how fast those dreams would be shattered and how drastically my life would change.

Little man please keep us near you today and on Christmas, wrap your wings around us please and maybe send me a dream or two of you.
Sit on that big old fluffy cloud with all your angel friends and send some love to all of their families too.  I hope the lights and sounds from Heaven are as amazing as I imagine.

Sweet dreams Ethan I love you ,


  1. A wonderful letter to Ethan. wish he could be celebrating Christmas with you!