Saturday, December 26, 2009


The four little People that make my heart tick.

Since I was a little girl I always knew I wanted to be a mom, there was absolutely no doubt about it.  I couldn't wait.
Never in a million years did I forsee this being my future.  I never thought on Christmas in order to capture all four of my children that I would have to have three of them holding a picture of their brother.  But this is my family.
And as sad and as hard as it can be at time's this is us, this is who we will always be.  Ethan has shaped me into something great.  Sounds concieded I know but I would not be who I am now without the pain and sadness that came from saying hello and goodbye all at the same time.
I once came across this quote "Imagine a love so strong that saying hello and goodbye all in the same day is worth all the sorrow".

It's so fitting and true, now of course it's painful and sad but it was so worth it to be able to be able to say goodbye.

Yesterday was bittersweet  we sat and read all of Ethan's letters from people I cried and I shed a few tears.  At one point when Blake was reading their letter from Ethan I had to step into the bathroom to gather my thought's and get the tears to stop.  But it made Blake feel pretty special.

I feel very blessed to have so many people stop and take the time to do this.  It ment a lot to me.
This is Blake reading to Corbin, one of the many letter's we recieved. 
Here is the letter recieved from a good friend to the boys from Ethan.♥

Blake, Aiden and Corbin,
I wish you could know
How I wanted to be with you
So you could watch me grow.

But God chose to bring me
Back to Heaven

Now my special brother's
I'll watch over you
Until we are together again.

Smile often for Mommy and Daddy
because through your laughter
they will see me, hear me and be close ... to me

This note will be in my stocking each year
Read it out loud, pass it along, and
Remember me for every following year.

HUGS, Love and Kisses from above,
Baby Ethan♥

Here is a picture with my nephew he is a doll and I love picturing Ethan's life through his so I had to take a picture with him today.

And one more picture this time of Corbin I truly believe Ethan sent this smily, loving little guy into our lives.

So through all the pain and sorrow we have been built up through it all.  There is not a single day that passes that Ethan is not on my mind and not a single day I wish I didn't get a few more minutes to take away all the regrets and to ask for a do-over.  So I could walk away with no regrets but Im sure even if I had that I would still have a regret or two.  Its just hindsight.

Okay I lied here is one more picture we have this little Angel on our tree and well it hate's our tree or something because every single day we put it on and everyday it falls off.  Now other people have brought it to my attention that Ethan is playing games on us and maybe he doesn't like it because its a girl.  Well I know he has tons of little girl angel friends so it can't be that.
But maybe its his sign to tell us that he is watching us.  As I sit here typing this the angel has fallen down once again.

So I guess Ethan got my letter when I asked him to let us know he was around.  I love my little guys all four of them.

Thank you to everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers it means a lot to me, even beings its our second year living our lives this way. 


  1. That is a beautiful quote. So sad and true. It looks like Ethan was well loved on Christmas as well as his brothers. The letter from Ethan is so sweet. xo

  2. This is such an amazing post, filled with a lil bit of everything that you can feel.I still don't know how you do it all. I'm so proud of you and so happy that I've met you.

    BTW I just love Corbin.

  3. We did that too over Christmas. A family picture only we had to hold a picture of Carleigh. It's a beautiful picture of all your boys. I love the quote that you shared. It was worth it, it really was.