Wednesday, May 27, 2009

They say it gets worse before it gets better right?

Man my emotions are taking the best of me. Dealing with Ethan's loss, other emotional and physical losses. I'm like a emotional time bomb.

Today my son graduated kindergarten its not all sad things in life. I helped him achieve that sure he did the work but so did we as parents. I'm a big fan of its not just the teachers job its the parents too. We work together to make these little beings into who they will be. We shape them.

He did awesome and I couldn't be prouder of him. Then bam we get his school report card. This is a above grade level student and has been all year. From day one of school he was where kids should be towards the end of the year.

Then came another loss in our life, just a year after losing Ethan. His kindergarten teacher had a stroke in April and didn't come out of it. She was the most amazing teacher and has been missed more than words can say. Blake loved her to death, I loved her to death. I actually don't know of one parent or student in her class who was not deeply affected by her passing.

So on to today again above grade level prior to this teachers passing and the report card shows level dropped to grade level in almost all areas and then math he dropped from a 3 (which is at grade level) to a 2 (progressing towards grade level).

We tried to talk to her and it got us no where other than me in a emotional mess. I was crying she wouldn't listen to a thing we said. We told her we were not blaming her, but that along the lines communication between parent and teacher were missed. Iv been trying to call her for a week. These assessments were done in April and we are just now learning of them.

Now all she could say was basically it was just an assessment and that it wasn't failing a college course. Basically every feeling we had she invalidated. (if that's a word). She admitted to not working with him to help the situation.

Trust me I get that she got put in a crappy situation by taking over months before the school year was over. But she accepted the job. I'm sure there were many subs who would have loved a job even at that point.

Kids were being sent home with bad reports and these were kids who never all year got a bad report. I don't get the system failing perfect children. Or even imperfect children. For heavens sake they lost their teacher. Death is a scary thing as an adult let alone a child. And never was an ounce of compassion showed.

Its frustrating as a parent to know your hands are tied you have done everything possible. And yet somehow crap like this happens.

But because I had a very emotional session yesterday about Ethan and other things I was an emotional time bomb today. I don't feel I did anything wrong other than I looked like a complete fool. I couldn't hold myself together. Mainly because I didn't feel heard and from the get go, she was checking out.

Its frustrating that I still have to live a semi normal life in these types of situations and not be so emotional. But I'm not there yet.

I have to be strong for my children when I feel weaker than shit. I have to stand up for them because they are too young to do it themselves.

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